I. THE BASICS
First is race choice. This is one of the most important choices you'll deal with as a new member of the OFF (Order of the FelFire). There are only three approved races: the Human, our agents in the Alliance who have tricked their kinsmen into accepting them as a "necessary evil"; the Orc, Shaman who realized talking to nature was lame; and the Undead, who've decided that the Light is for sissies and instead embraced a more fitting power.
There are no Gnome Warlocks. If there are, we purposefully train them wrong as a joke.
Next, you need to learn how to bask in your demonic glory. You've attained powers that have razed countless worlds and conquered even more, all at the cost of whatever afterlife those other fools think they deserve. Speak in long, over-the-top sentences that perfectly convey your clear superiority over your minions. No, not the ones you summon.. the other ones. They're more commonly known as "party members".
Third comes your reactions. Did the healer forget to keep you, THE most important member of the group, alive? Don't freak out. No, that's what a moronic Warrior would do. Instead, make him suffer in ways words cannot describe. "Accidentally" forget to banish that elemental he aggro'd, Soulstone yourself instead of him, or "forget" to give him a Healthstone when you're passing them out to the malcontents before a pull. Tank being a moron and forgetting a Lock is present, facerolling instead of paying attention to keep threat? Understandable, but that's still not saving him from your wrath. See how he likes that coveted Curse of Recklessness replaced with Curse of Shadow. Oh, I'm sorry.. you think you can give ME orders? Who's the warlock again? I thought so.
II. OTHER CLASSES AND YOU!
WARRIORS are those sad saps that can't do anything but swing their axe and cry about needing a healer. This is a fact you need to rub in their face every chance you get. "So you need a healer to tank? Interesting. I just Drain Life." If there's no healer, make them BEG for a Healthstone.
MAGES are casters that still have to worry about "mana". So much so, they actually have to make Mana STONES. Historically, Mages are those guys who saw you practicing the dark arts in college and were too good to use "dangerous magick that corrupts". In other words, Mages are Locks that couldn't bring themselves to stop sucking. Really hammer in how much better off you are. "It's ok, I'm out of mana too. Oh wait, LIFE TAP!" *Life Taps 4 times* "There we go. Awwww.. are you still drinking?"
SHAMAN and DRUIDS are those sad saps that keep wanting to prove they can do more than heal. Yeah, good luck when you're the World of Warcraft equivalent of Captain Planet and a reject from Pokemon. Add insult to injury and link your healing meter after a fight. "Oh look, I did more Damage AND Healing than you."
PRIESTS somewhat fall into the same category as Shaman/Druids, but in a more special kind of way. If they're not healing, they're trying to prove they can use the powers of darkness too! "Look, we even have DoTs and Fear!" Just do the same thing you did with Shaman/Druid and then collect their tears for later consumption.
PALADINS are an annoyance to your existence. They're the goody two shoes who sit fawning over their ladies and then have the audacity to question your methods. Sure, we COULD try and get them to surrender peacefully.. or we could do the smart thing and burn everything they love to the ground. Really, Paladins just want to feel relevant in an age where fire and shadow can solve any problem. "I don't need your help taking on multiple mobs, thanks. My Voidwalker has better threat generation than you."
Many guides for lesser classes will tell you how to achieve great party synergy and become an asset to your group. That doesn't apply for us. All parties need Warlocks and this is a fact you have to drill into their heads constantly. Warriors, Hunters, and Rogues know your Curse of Recklessness and Weakness make their lives so much easier. Mages, Shaman, and Druids all want you to cast Curse of Elements so they can have just a tiny chance of getting close to your DPS. And Priests and Paladins? Well for the most part you're saving them mana.
III. PULLING AGGRO
Yes, it's going to happen to you. This is because, contrary to what lolPvPers say, trash mobs are not stupid. When a trash mob looks at your raid, this is what it sees:
- the Paladins, who are sitting on the grass strumming lutes and composing sonnets to the Priests
- the Mages, who are slouching against a brick wall complaining to each other how "the man" is getting them down
- the Hunters, who are dressing their pets in miniature sailor outfits, asking them "Does widdle Snookums want a yum-yum treat? Does him? Does him?" and then kissing them on the nose
- the Rogues, who are stealthed behind that rock playing 3 Card Monte against the gullible Shamans and taking them for all they're worth
- the Druids, who are clustered around a podium carrying signs protesting greenhouse gas emissions and eating tofu
- the Warriors, who are running around with a football, slapping each other on the butt
- you, the EVIL WARLOCK.
No surprise, you instantly become #1 on the threat list. The trash mobs are evil, just like you. They know a real threat when they see one. The best way to deal with this problem is to get a Paladin friend to do his little AoE thingie long enough to distract those mobs into temporarily forgetting that the Paladin just finished writing "Ode To A Lock Of Hair Cascading Off My Faire Lady's Shoulders" and instead mistake him for an actual threat. Paladins are the good-guy type, and will recognize you as an evildoer who cannot be trusted. Accordingly, you may have some trouble convincing him to go along with your plan. To deal with this, some pre-planning is necessary. Make sure your warlock is a female toon, and play the damsel in distress card. Paladins fall for it every time, even the girl ones. Pull it off, and you can go back to Shadow Bolt'ing those mobs with wild abandon.
IV. MACROS
There are really only a few macros a Lock needs.
Paladin about to finally kill an enemy he's been whittling down for a few minutes? Then just:
/cast Shadowburn
/laugh
/y MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Any of those weaker classes complaining because you've once again topped the meters, screaming that you're OP and need a nerf? Then soak it in and
/drink
/e drinks [Delicious QQ Beverage]
Let's say you come across another of our Order. It's common nicety to reward another well-informed player for picking the best class (Unless he's a gnome. Then you either murder him or continually laugh.) with a Healthstone and free cast of Soulstone on them. But first you have to see if they actually ARE a part of the Order. To do so, you must
/salute
/say Glory to the FelFire!
If they do not respond the same within a few seconds, they are nothing to you and deserve not your gift.
And there you have it. I'm sure you'll figure out the rest as time goes on.
Credit goes to Merytneith from the original WoW Forums for her post that inspired this one (And her updating it in LK and Cataclysm).
